As you can see from the title of my blog that this is a journey to motherhood for the second time, so let me fill you in on the 1st time. I first became a mother at the age of 18; though I was young I was ready for the action. Growing up I knew I was dentin for motherhood, destine to love, destine to nurture and destine to care for a child whether this child was mine or not! Might sound weird but I knew I wanted to be a mother of many children (almost like the old lady that lived in a shoe) ;) When I found out I was pregnant at 18 I was scared, guess you can say extremely scared. Many questions ran though my mind, Was I able to care for this child at a young age? Was I able to provide for this child? Main question was, Was I ready to be a mother? After all those questions were answered (by me of course) I knew I was determined to be an amazing mother to this child.
On July 25 2003 that day came. The day to be a mother to the most handsome little boy and Boy was it a rough start. I was this child’s main care giver, as my son’s biological father really was not much of a help. Sacrifice was my middle name! I pushed school aside to make sure I was the one to provide him. Moved out on my own to prove to the world I was ready. Yes, though I had a rough time being a mother at a young age I still wanted to be like the Old lady we talked about earlier, but wouldn’t allow myself to struggle to be a mommy or be selfish to my son, Nor did I have a man in my life to even have more babies ;) 5 years of being the mother and father to this child I finally met the most amazing man. Not only did this man love me, he loved this child I came with. Oh how I knew this was the man I would live in the shoe with! :) Sure enough not only was he great, he wanted the same things I wanted, but his version was ( I want a football team). Some might say these people are crazy but who cares we know what we can handle.
Or course you all know I married that man! But remember this is the journey to the 2nd time around. Well let’s just say the 2nd time around is WAY HARDER than the 1st time. This is the classic case when you want something you can’t have it, which is a bummer! I’m 26 years old and dealing with secondary infertility. We have gone through the phase of (is it you? is it me?). Well it’s me and boy has it taken a toll on me, wondering if I womanly enough. I ask the questions, Why now? Why when I’m ready, Why when I can provide and not struggle cant I be a mommy again. People say just wait, things will happen when the time is right. Um Hello? The time is now People!
Over the time of my blog I will talk about the struggles of going to the doctors and all the findings they have and might find. I hope maybe, over time this may be useful to someone going through the same thing. I will try my best not to cry when writing this blog but at times it may be hard since I long to be a mommy again so badly! I also will be open to questions and comments so keep them coming! ;) Keep in mind I’m not a writer so commas may not be in the right place, wording maybe off so bare with me. ;)
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